How to Stop Arguing with High School Students

Dear Kid Whisperer,

I’m wondering if your approach works on high school students. I’ve taught for 20 years and have never dealt with the behavior, lateness, and general lack of concern for learning that I have seen post-hybrid. I need some help. -Dawn, San Diego, CA

Dawn,

What I teach is a great way to give all kids, no matter how old and/or obnoxious they are, a choice: they can use positive behaviors or learn a valuable lesson about using positive behaviors next time. We don’t use anger, threats, bribes or warnings. We aren’t disrespectful and we aren’t weak. We are kind, firm, and loving.

So, is striving to act in the aforementioned ways something you can do with high school students? Well, without having explicit and systematically taught strategies and procedures on how to act like the person described above, I don’t think it’s possible! At least I certainly couldn’t do it! Great teachers like you and perhaps a million other teachers like you are struggling with high school students because you have no real plan for preventing, mitigating and effectively responding to negative behaviors. Why do you not have a plan? Because you were never taught a plan when you were learning to be a teacher. Of course, this is not your fault.

What I teach educators is a plan. The content of my book, The Classroom Behavior Manual: How to Build Relationships, Share Control, and Teach Positive Behaviors is a plan. All teachers need a plan, and now they have one.

So, for example, tell me why The Argument Shield wouldn’t work with high schoolers. It’s explained below. I used it with a 65-year-old last week with perfect results. It’s a way of training any human person to not argue with you.

Kid Whisperer: I will give full credit for AP Calc homework that is turned in on time, half credit for work turned in a day late, and no credit for homework that is turned in after that.

Kid: That’s not fair. I work slowly, and it often takes days for me to reach my full potential!

Kid Whisperer: Yikes. I don’t argue.

Kid: Pish tosh, peasant! We will now discuss the pros and cons of your teaching methods! I shall be the judge, jury, and executioner. The jury is in, and you are stupid.

Kid Whisperer: …and what did I say? We are on page seven…(Kid Whisperer teaches…)

Kid: How dare you!

Kid Whisperer: …and what did I say? (Kid Whisperer continues teaching)

It is possible that Kid may continue talking, but this is not an argument. This is a student who is out of options, and is howling at the moon. An argument needs at least two people. Just don’t be one of those people. Students who successfully manipulate teachers into an argument look very strong, tend to become popular and will do this forever until it stops working. Students who howl at the moon by themselves just look silly. You have 100% control over which kind of student your students get to be.