Dear Kid Whisperer,

My wife and I live in a relatively small house that has a storage space under the stairs. I keep tools and other odds and ends in there that could be dangerous if our four-year-old were to get into them. Unfortunately, he has. Three times now we have found him in there investigating my dangerous tools. I must admit that we have really yelled at him about this, because it scared us and we don’t know what else to do. So, what else do we do? -Greg, Newark, New Jersey

Greg,

I am going to answer this question in two different ways. Each answer will accomplish a separate goal.

Answer #1: While you do have a behavior problem, you also have a safety/locksmithing problem. Use those tools to install a lock on the storage nook door. This solves the problem of keeping Kid from seriously or permanently injuring himself or even dying under your stairs.

While this makes Kid safer in this one situation (he will not have something catastrophic happen under the stairs), answer #2 will address the behavior problem.

Answer #2: Kid needs to learn to not do things that will cause serious or permanent injury, now and forever. One could argue that this is the single most important thing any kid can learn: how to get out of childhood alive with their bodies intact. Ironically, parents who are always lecturing their kids about being safe and who make sure their homes are bubble-wrapped rubber buildings where kids could not possibly get even the most minor injury actually make their kids less safe because they have, through much effort, made their homes places where kids cannot learn the cause/effect relationship of doing unsafe things and getting hurt in minor, small ways.

To be clear: we should protect our kids from serious or permanent harm, but we should also allow small bumps and bruises so our kids can learn to be safe through minor injuries.

So, here’s how I would train Kid to be safe with things that could hurt him–in this case, going into the danger closet under your stairs.

Kid Whisperer: Oh, dear. You have been really struggling to remember to stay out of the space under the stairs. It’s dangerous, as we have discussed.

Kid: I want to build a space shuttle all by myself and the tools in the closet will allow me to do it.

Kid Whisperer: Oh, dear. Two things are really important to me here. First, it’s important that you don’t die or get permanently injured. So that I know that this will never happen, I’ve installed a lock, as you can see.

Kid: Drat.

Kid Whisperer: The second important thing is that you learn to be safe, and to not do things that will be unsafe. So, I’m going to give you a chance to practice being safe.

Kid: I would actually rather build a space shuttle.

Kid Whisperer: So, I am going to put you in a situation where you could be unsafe, so you can practice not being unsafe. I’m going to unlock the door to the danger closet and have you sit right next to it, without opening the door. You can sit in this chair, sit on the floor, or lay down. How many minutes do you need to practice being safe, three minutes or five minutes?

Kid: Which is the lower number?

Kid Whisperer: Three.

Kid: So be it.

Kid Whisperer: OK, I will sit here with you while I read my book and you work towards being an expert at not building a space shuttle and being safe.

This can be done with any dangerous objects, such as not touching the stove, not jumping off the deck, etc. Make sure that you are within close enough proximity to protect your kid from serious injury or death, but if you do this correctly, you can make your kids more safe for a lifetime.