How to Set a Limit With an Unreasonable Parent

Dear Kid Whisperer,

I teach fifth grade at a large public school. One of my student’s mothers has complained to me that her son does not get enough to eat at school. At our school, there is one school lunch unless you have an allergy or a special dietary restriction. Everyone gets free lunch here. This child has no medical issue, and usually doesn’t even want any more food. The mother knows that she can send food with her son, but chooses not to. She literally gets mad at me when her son says that he is hungry at school. What should I do? -Kelly, Chicago, Illinois

Kelly,

Schools are required and obligated to give students access to everything that they need:

Air, food, water, shelter, love, and education.

Schools are NOT required to give students everything they want:

All of the foods of their choice at any time of day, unlimited time to eat, unlimited time to relax, unlimited trips to the bathroom, the ability to mosey around the hallways whenever they feel like it, unlimited attention any time they need it, and freedom from any and all struggle or unpleasantness.

Parents who think that their kid should get everything that they want instead of just getting access to what they need are confusing school with an all-inclusive resort.

Schools that try to get into the business of servicing students like guests at Sandals tend to make educators miserable. It’s miserable to try to do the impossible, and it’s impossible to allow students to eat as much as they want whenever they want it. It’s impossible to allow kids to visit the bathroom all day. It’s impossible to allow all students to wander the halls all day, and it’s impossible to make life perfect for students.

OF COURSE when students have medical issues, reasonable accommodations should be made.

I’m sure those of you reading this who have not been in a school for more than twenty years think that this is all totally ridiculous.

You are right. This is ridiculous. Unfortunately, there are currently parents in PK-12 schools who believe that some of these wants should be fulfilled. I know because I have either taught the students of parents with these demands, or have coached educators through dealing with these parents.

Since school is school and not Club Med, this parent and parents like her need to get a grip, and they need to have limits placed upon them. You don’t have time in your day to argue about this with parents. Here’s how I would place a limit with this one.

Parent: My little angel had a hankering for cheese on his tater-tots, and he tells me that no one there gave him cheese for his tater-tots.

Kid Whisperer: Everyone gets the same lunch. Feel free to send any additional food with your son that you would like him to have.

Parent: No. The school shall provide my child with cheese.

Kid Whisperer: That’s not how school works. I am going to give you my principal’s email so you can take this up with her. It’s www.youareawful.com.mpg. Thanks!*

*probably replace with your principal’s actual email

The time and energy of educators like yourself is too valuable to spend any more time than the absolute minimum amount necessary on this nonsense. If Parent takes this to people above you, suggest that those people use this same script. Perhaps once the school board has used the script, Parent may have to find a home in a neighboring school district and start this process anew.