Dear Kid Whisperer,

I have a student in my class who is used to taking breaks in the principal’s office when he gets mad or frustrated because he did that all year long in second grade. Last year he started out leaving once per day, but it has slowly increased over the course of the past two years. Last week he literally left my room 30 times in one day. He is essentially learning nothing except for the fact that it’s fun to be in the principal’s office and talk to the school secretary. I don’t take this personally because he leaves art, music, technology, and PE, too. What should I do? -Dan, Green Bay, Wisconsin

Dan,

Wow. Your school has  done a bang-up job on really hurting this kid.

Over the course of the last two years, you all have implemented some policies that have systematically reinforced negative behaviors, told this student that you have a very low opinion of his ability to be resilient, and discouraged him from learning what is being taught. Kids want some combination of attention, control, and avoidance. We are giving all three to this kid when he leaves, using the current plan.

There is nothing wrong with having a place for a student to go when they feel overwhelmed, or angry, or hurt, or fill in the blank with an emotion here. None of us can be a positive, pro-social hard worker during every second of every day. However, the place that a kid can go needs to be

1)     Less stimulating than the learning environment

2)     Of a neutral comfort level

3)     A place where they get no attention

4)     A place that anyone can go whenever they want  

5)     A place that they can come back from whenever they want

I always had two Mindfulness Centers in my classroom and two in the classrooms of other teachers. They are just a chair out of the way where kids can relax, breathe, and rejoin the learning when ready. There is minimal or no attention given. There is no control over the teacher’s emotions. When used with Real-World Workshop, a child cannot use it to avoid work (the work will be waiting for him, and he won’t be able to do highly stimulative “Later” activities until it is done). There is no work being done in Mindfulness Centers. Here’s an abbreviated version of how I would explain the change to all students:

Kid Whisperer: OK, friends. Small change. I know sometimes I feel so frustrated here at school that I need to take a break. I have placed a chair here and one over there. Sometimes I am going to use them to relax and refresh myself. You can use those chairs to compose yourself, too. I will come back when I am ready. Please leave me alone while I’m over there so I can relax, and I will do the same for you. Of course you can come back when you’re ready, and you will not be able to do “Laters” until you are done with your work, just like always. If you look like you need a break, I will politely remind you that you can use these chairs.

Kid #1: Is this in addition to the visits that I make to my personal lounge that has been set up for me in the principal’s office, sitting next to the secretary that said principal and I share?

Kid Whisperer: Nope. This is instead of that. And now for math…

Doing Mindfulness Breaks allows kids to take necessary breaks without turning them into awful people.