How to Require a Kid to Do Something

Dear Kid Whisperer,

My 12-year-old son plays video games all day, he never goes outside, and I think it’s time that he goes to camp this summer. I think it will be good for him to be outside and meet other kids his age. He doesn’t want to go, and has said that he just isn’t the kind of person who does outdoor activities and isn’t the kind of person who likes to meet people he doesn’t know. I’m not sure if I should force him to go. What should I do? –Steven, Lubbock, Texas

Steven,

First, the only kind of person you can meet is a person that you don’t know. He should figure out how to do that since it’s pretty much a requirement for humans on earth.

Second, he doesn’t have to like being outside, and he doesn’t have to like meeting people. He is just going to be required to do these things this summer at Camp Whateveritscalled! Hooray!

It is OK to require things from our kids.

Isn’t it amazing how you never hear anyone say that anymore?

Isn’t it kind of horrifying that you almost never hear anyone express the idea that parents may often know better than their kids what is best for their kids?

You think that summer camp would be good for your kid. Great.

He doesn’t want to go. Fine.

He still has to go.

Why?

Because you said so.

There is a near 100% chance that you are wiser than your kid, since you are significantly older than him.

What you say goes.

Here’s how I would set the expectation that summer camp is a-comin’ with calm empathy.

Kid Whisperer: This summer shall be a summer like no other! It will include a two-week summer camp excursion for you and a simultaneous Bahamian vacation for me and your mother! I know that you are apprehensive about going to camp, but I know you can do it!

Kid: No. This summer is the summer I play video games where I shoot various people and other assorted objects and animals.

Kid Whisperer: Oh, drat. I don’t argue. Anywho, I sent you links for four really cool summer camps. You can pick any of those camps, or find another that is two weeks long, features outdoor activities, is in my price range, and does not allow electronics of any kind.

Kid: This is ridiculous. My friend doesn’t have to go to summer camp!

Kid Whisperer: And what did I say?

Kid: You don’t argue? I think that’s stupid.

Kid Whisperer: And what did I say? Let me know which one you choose by a week from today at 6:00 pm. If you don’t choose one by then, I’ll register you at the one I think looks like the most fun! I know that you are strong and that you can work through this!

Kid: I hate this family!

Kid Whisperer: Your mother and I love you and we have great faith in you!

By gently and enthusiastically encouraging, giving choices (all of which you’re fine with), and avoiding argument traps, you can successfully have your kid engage in the activities that you know are best for him without hurting your relationship.