How to Guide Students to Restore a Feeling of Safety in the Classroom (Part II of III)

Dear Kid Whisperer, 

I teach at an alternative school, where most students have been unable to be successful at their assigned public school and most students have at least one behavior goal in their Individualized Education Plan. I have received your training and read your book. They both have helped tremendously. Things are going well in my classroom overall, except with one student. He has threatened to punch me multiple times. As you have taught me, I delayed the learning opportunity (consequence). The problem is that he refuses to do the Delayed Learning Opportunity. What do I do now? 

In the previous column, I addressed the need for a paradigm shift before answering this question. We need to stop thinking of the refusal to do the Delayed Learning Opportunity as a negative. This kid just needs to learn that belligerence and refusing a reasonable request from an adult authority figure does not get them out of trouble and does not get them what they want. 

If a person does not learn this lesson, they cannot graduate from high school, they cannot hold a job, and they cannot have positive relationships with other human beings. 

Means of creating Inevitability Logistics so that kids have no choice but to learn lessons about behavior were briefly shared in the last column. In this column and the next, we will go over two different kinds of Delayed Learning Opportunities (DLOs): practice and problem-solving. Today let’s hit problem-solving.  

Let’s start with delaying the learning opportunity: 

Kid: I will punch you right in your stupid, ugly face. 

Kid Whisperer: Oh, man. This is rough. I’m going to help you do some learning later. 

How and when we have the student removed for safety reasons will have to do with a multitude of factors, including whether other students heard the threat, school policies, and, of utmost importance, whether you are comfortable with the student being in your room, which may relate to whether you find this to be a real threat. I will not weigh in on this here. 

Then, later, perhaps after a suspension due to school policies, the fact that you need a break from the student, or due to other factors, during a non-instructional time: 

Kid Whisperer: (with a smile) Oh, man. Remember when you threatened to punch me the other day? Oh, man. I’m not mad at you, but we just require that people not threaten to hurt people here at school. 

Kid: I didn’t threaten you! 

Kid Whisperer: Oh, man. I don’t argue. You caused a problem for me and the other people who heard the threat, in that you made us feel unsafe. I’m not mad at you, but I am going to require that you solve the problem that you caused. Any idea how you might do that? 

Kid: No, frankly. 

Kid Whisperer: No problem. Here’s my plan for you. You are going to come up with a list of things to say and do the next time you are frustrated that do not involve threatening violence. 

Kid: I will absolutely not be doing that. 

Kid Whisperer: Oh, man. I don’t argue. This will be your spot for every lunch and recess and for two hours every day on Mondays and Wednesdays after school, per my conversation with your mom. 

Kid: BUT I HAVE BASKETBALL AFTER SCHOOL! 

Kid Whisperer: I don’t know what to tell you. I will like you know matter how long it takes you to solve this problem. You may want to get to work, but you don’t have to. 

Kid Whisperer is already set up with Inevitability Logistics so that if a refusal tantrum occurs, Kid will not get attention, control, or avoidance. 

Once belligerence eventually stops (which it will, if we practice Non-Reactive Monitoring), we do an honest-to-goodness writing lesson whereby the student is required to come up with a developmentally appropriate number of things to do or say the next time he is frustrated. It could include mindfulness activities, or which kind words could be used to express frustration. Kid being required to describe this plan to his teacher and any classmates who heard the threats should be required. Also, Kid not being within striking distance of his teacher or perhaps classmates before the plan is completed could be a part of this Delayed Learning Opportunity (DLO). 

In part three, I will detail a “Practice” DLO for this same question.  

I know. I’m looking forward to it, too.