Dear Kid Whisperer, 

I have a class full of cooperative kids who do what they are asked the first time--except one. She purposely does not do what I ask, she dawdles, and then I end up getting frustrated. How do I avoid this? 

This kid is in the midst of The Bad Behavior Cycle, and this Cycle did not begin with you. 

Most likely, it began at home. The Bad Behavior Cycle is simple, and we all know about it: 

When kids get what they want (for our purposes here and now, attention and control) after using a negative behavior (a behavior that causes a problem), it reinforces said behavior. So, as you have surely seen at the local shopping mall, there are many, many kids who have trained their parent or caregiver to give them some combination of attention and control by using negative behaviors. 

So, of course, Kid has been accidentally trained to be a jerk at home. 

This is bad. 

More bad news is that when this Kid sees you, she figures her stuff will probably work on you, since, up until now, being a jerk has gotten people bigger than her to give her attention and has gotten her a feeling of control. 

You have the opportunity to retrain this kid by doing exactly the opposite of what Kid’s parents have been doing for her whole life: giving her more attention and control when she uses negative behaviors than when she uses positive behaviors. We can also create a brand-new environment for her that she has likely never experienced: A world where everyone’s positive behaviors get them far more attention and control than negative behaviors. Here’s how I’ve been creating this environment for years in schools, and how I’d do it in your room. 

Kid Whisperer: I will give directions for our map activity when the room is clean, and everyone is seated silently on the carpet! 

Kid #7: 10-4 good buddy, I am cleaning LIKE A BOSS! (Kid #7 cleans like a boss) 

Kid Whisperer: I noticed Kid #7 is cleaning expertly and proficiently! 

Kids #s 8, 4, 21, and 13 notice that Kid Whisperer gives attention to kids who clean expertly and proficiently, so they start cleaning expertly and proficiently. 

Kid Whisperer: I noticed Kids #s 10 and 20 are working together to put the Unifix cubes away. 

Kid #9: I WILL NOT CLEAN UP!!! NO ONE CAN MAKE ME!! 

Kid Whisperer: I noticed that Kid #1 and Kid #25 are erasing the board. Oh, boy. I noticed that we worked together to clean the room! I noticed Kid #2 and Kid #24 are already seated on the carpet. 

(12 More kids sit on the carpet) 

Kid Whisperer (whispering in the ear of Kid #9, who is still not seated on the carpet, so only she can hear) Where should you be? (Kid Whisperer walks away) 

Kid #9: I WILL BE WHEREVER I WANT TO BE!! I HAVE BODILY AUTONOMY AND… (Kid Whisperer circles back) 

Kid Whisperer: (whispered) Oh, drat. This is rough. I will help you learn about this later. 

What you did not see, because this is a newspaper, is that a couple other students didn’t clean up at first and a few were very slow to sit of the carpet. They were ignored as Kid Whisperer heaped attention, in this unusual way, on everyone who was using positive behaviors. When this fails to get desired behaviors, we use Gentle Guidance Interventions (saying “Where should you be?” is just one of forty-three options). When this fails, we delay a learning opportunity, as we did with Kid #9. She will be required to either practice the behavior that she is struggling with (perhaps in this case, cleaning up and then being seated on the carpet), or solve the problem that her behavior caused. Kid will do this during a time when her classmates are not around, while her teacher gives her a minimal amount of attention while simultaneously teaching her positive behaviors.