Dear Kid Whisperer,

My wife and I are at our wits’ end with our 16-year-old son. He isn’t a behavior problem and never has been. The problem is that since middle school, he has basically refused to work towards anything but barely passing grades in math, and now that most science classes involve math, he’s almost failing in those classes too. His grades in every other class that do not involve math are excellent, but we want him to get into a good college, and these grades will stop him from doing that. How do we get him to turn this around? -Jason, Columbus, Ohio

Jason,

You think that you have a problem, but you do not. The only problem that you have is the one that you are creating by thinking that you have a problem.

Why in the world does your kid need to go to an elite college? What good would that do?

Really, I’m serious.

Look, your kid is bad at math. Who in the world cares (besides you and your wife)?

Your answer, as an American parent in 2021, is probably that you want your kid to be “well-rounded” so that he can achieve great things.

The problem is that being “well-rounded” has nothing to do with achieving great things. Think about the highest achieving people. Were they “well rounded?” How good was Steve Jobs at poetry? How good of a swimmer was Aristotle? How good at needlepoint is LeBron James? The answer to all of these questions is IT DOESN’T MATTER. No one cares that they weren’t good at everything, but people really care that they were good at ONE THING. The greatest achievers are great because they are so obsessed with their one thing that they could care less about everything else.

It sounds like your kid probably has a bunch of things that he is already great at, including doing really well in most endeavors and not quite failing math and science classes. The history of highly effective people tells us that this is a recipe for great success.

Dealing with this situation the way you have been is only producing stress and anxiety for your family.

If I were you, I would permanently extricate myself from my kid’s back by having a conversation something like this:

Kid Whisperer: Hey, pal. I think I owe you a serious apology.

Kid: For when you threw my geometry test at me last week?

Kid Whisperer: That’s part of it…

Kid: Or when you yelled at me that no human being had ever achieved happiness after failing Algebra I?

Kid Whisperer: That may have been an overstatement and was perhaps not my best moment… Look, I wanted to apologize for all of my words and actions over the years regarding math. While your mom and I will always be here to help, and while we do think that if you applied yourself, you could do well in math classes, we realize that math just may not be your thing, and that’s OK.

Kid: What about me getting into an Ivy League school?

Kid Whisperer: Well, you obviously won’t get into one with math and science grades like what you have, but I realize that the Ivy League is more of a dream that I have for you, instead of it being a dream that you have for yourself.

Kid: Seriously?

Kid Whisperer: Yep. Your mom and I will love you no matter what colleges you get into, and I know that whatever you decide to do with your life, you will be amazing at it.

Be prepared for Kid to be happier, give more attention to what he’s already great at, and maybe even show at least slight improvement in math and science classes, now that he has had the weight of the world removed from his shoulders!